Those of you who have followed me on Facebook for longer than a year may remember my popular Seminars. It turns out, despite my mad parenting skillz, my children have absolutely no practical abilities in basic concepts such as Changing The Toilet Paper Roll, Filling a Hamper, and Removing Empty Milk Cartons From The Refrigerator. Without any further ado, here are a sampling of the Seminars I will be offering after the latest weekend in paradise with my brood:

Dirty Clothes Vs. Clean Clothes: A Primer

In Fact, There Are Lots Of Reasons Not To Eat In Your Room. Slob.

Plunger 201: You Have Mastered The Basics, But Still Have A Lot To Learn

“That Wasn’t Me!” and Other Really Lame Ways To Divert Attention To Your Sibling

It’s Rush Hour. You May Not Drive. I Know You Need The Hours.

Homework: More Of A Good Idea Than You Even Know. I’m Looking At You, Mr/Ms 80%.

Are You Five Years Old? Just Because There Is A Check Endorsement Stamp Sitting On The Table, You Do Not Have To Press It. The Table Will, In Fact, Be Endorsed If You Do. It Would Also Help If You Would Throw Away The Napkin You Practiced On, And Wiped The Ink Off The Table. So Your Mother Doesn’t Lose Her Mind.

The Closet/Hamper/Trashcan Is Only 5 Feet Away.

Household Items Are Muggles: Lights And Fans Do Not Turn Themselves Off Magically

(Alt.) Shoved Under The Bed: Not A High Percentage Storage Move

 

Yes, friends, I am so happy that these are the problems I am worrying about this year. Perspective is a lovely thing. Happy Monday!